Passenger Jet Diverted by Solo Attempt to Join Mile High Club

Earlier this week, a Virgin America flight was forced to make an emergency landing in Omaha because 26-year-old Doug Adams of Woodside, California went nuts, playing with his junk and trying to open the emergency exit.

According to witnesses, Adams was wearing a hospital bracelet and seemed to be on drugs.

LA filmmakers Sam Slater and Paul Bernon, who were sitting in the row in front of Adams, said the suspect was mumbling about trying not to be violent. Slater shot cellphone footage of Adams being taken off the plane in handcuffs by police.

It’s appropriate that Adams was flying Virgin, because had he achieved orgasm, he would’ve joined the Mile High Club while possibly remaining a virgin.

I’m sorry, but the window of opportunity for getting away with in-flight masturbation has closed. You needed to do it in the 80s or early 90s, before planes were always booked to capacity. You needed a row all to yourself, an airline blanket, years of practice touching yourself very subtly next to a sleeping wife or girlfriend, and in my case, a PopTarts wrapper.

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