ESC

This TIFU Was a Real Fuckup

For the uninitiated, TIFU is an acronym for Today I Fucked Up where redditors post stories about… how they fucked up today. Pretty self-explanatory. Usually they’re stories about how they ran into a pole or jerked off onto their son’s homework. Nothing too life shattering. Then came this which could possibly one of the Top 10 Greatest Fuckups of All Time. Just read the story.

Well, I suppose this fuck up has happened today, and has been happening everyday for the past seventeen years.

About seventeen years ago my wife and I adopted a baby from an Asian American family. While we knew very little details, basically what happened with them is that we learned they were too young for children. I made very little inquiries as (they seemed embarrassed/I didn’t want to pry). I was just excited to have a son and couldn’t have cared less about the parent’s history, besides their current and future well being. So as long as they were healthy and willing to gift me with their child, I really did not go too much into their histories. This was my major fuck up. My wife and I choose to adopt this baby because we felt for the parents and anyone that has been through the adoption process knows that it is much easier to get a non-white baby than it is to get a white one (which is fucked up IMO) and we wanted one NOW and didn’t want to be on a wait list.

Anyway we adopt this beautiful, loving, affectionate and incredible baby. It’s truly love at first sight for all of us. Around about eight months we start to feel a little bit of guilt about not raising him in his on ethnic culture and given that we live in an area with a major Chinese population, it would be very easy to introduce him to his roots. So for the next seventeen years we do everything we can to honor his ethnicity. We send him to Chinese language courses and by five he’s fluent in Mandarin and English, he gets an “adopted” by a Chinese aunt and uncle (they taught him cultural things and celebrate certain holidays and take him for dim sum every couple of weeks). We’ve been taking him to China every two years since he was eight. We weren’t trying to force him to take up his culture as an “other” in our family, but we didn’t want to rob him of it or completely whitewash him either. We try and be PC as possible and we thought we were doing the right thing.

He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and my wife. There is not a day were I don’t just look at him and smile warmly. I love him.

Anyway we are filling out his college apps/financial aid applications and doing that whole thing. I go to my home office and go through some files and find his old adoption records. I’m not really paying much attention to them and then his biological parents surnames pop out and basically punch me in the face. His parent’s last names were PARK AND KIM. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

For those of you that do not know, those are Korean last names. My son is not Chinese. Not even a little bit.

He’s Korean.

I suppose I just assumed it because we live in an area on the west coast where there are a lot of Chinese immigrants and Chinese-Americans have been living for generations and generations. I don’t always assume every Asian is Chinese, but I did assume this for my son. Now I have a seventeen year old Korean son that thinks he’s Chinese. Now that I look at him, he looks INCREDIBLY Korean in comparassion to all of the photos of Korean men that I have just googled. Very square jaw, less hooded eyes, very broad build. None of this ever crossed my mind. I’ve dedicated nearly two decades to helping my son be close to roots that aren’t even his. I realize that I’ve just been fucking up. I feel like a complete asshole to the nth degree. I’m that dumb liberal white dickhead. Fuck.

I have yet to disclose this to my son or wife.

I honestly don’t even know if I will.

TL;DR: Assumed my son was Chinese and I’ve spent his whole life playing homage to his roots, he’s Korean.

“Hey, son. You know the racial identity we foisted on you and immersed you in for 17 years? Turns out it was the wrong one. Oops.” Thanks, dad!

Note: Header image of Kang Ye Bin has nothing to do with the post. She’s just really hot.

  • 4th year reader of site

    this just made my day

  • something something
  • wtf

    why is there a picture of some woman at the top?? it’s completely unrelated to the content of the article. also, you can see her underwear.

    • click bait

      click bait

      • It worked.

        • PC is gay

          Worked on me too. Story was dumb. I wanted to see hot chic.

          • GustoKoHappyKa

            work on me too…

        • Jeff Cleveland

          Yep.

      • Kareem J. Lanier

        Yep

    • b. wiz

      RIGHT!? I was wondering the same thing too.

    • Person

      I was totally waiting for the, oh shoot my son is actually a girl, didn’t notice it on the birth certificate…

    • uhm.

      Its casue shes a korean model. He is korean, its the implied race fuck up.

    • asdf

      kang ye bin is Korean. so.. in a way, kind of relevant.

    • Ibby

      Because you can’t mention Asians without the fetishization of Asian women, apparently. Even though they’re talking about an adopted Korean boy. Makes sense.

    • alexandru benza

      ans = “…you can see her underwear.”

    • Tracy Derton

      He posted a note at the bottom:

      Note: Header image of Kang Ye Bin has nothing to do with the post. She’s just really hot.

    • anon

      Did you not read the article? “Note: Header image of Kang Ye Bin has nothing to do with the post. She’s just really hot.”

      • rude

        author edited the article after the comment was made.

  • Achunkypid

    IT MUST BE A GREAT FUCKING LIFE MAKING MONEY OFF OF PEOPLES ORIGINAL CONTENT ON A DISCUSSION FORUM

  • Azn_l33t

    I looked up dumbfuck in the dictionary. Below is what i found:
    Dumbfuck (n.) Victor

    • Your dictionary is terrible. Buy a new one.

  • Nick

    He could just tell him he’s from Southern China. Then again, two Wongs don’t make a White!

    • Smarty

      Korea is on the northern part of China

      • Dave

        In some Southern Chinese dialects that preserve the word-final consonants, Chinese surnames can be rendered as “Pak”(白) and “Kim”(金).

    • Chris Tharp

      Uh… people from Southern China are shorter and darker skinned. Thanks for showing us how much you don’t fucking know.

    • Jimmy Lee

      Wong is only used in Hong Kong. Otherwise in mainland China it is Huang.

      • last name Wong

        My last name is Wong and neither parents are from HK. Both are mainland. Yet another generalization…people just get off it already.

      • deatecs

        shouldnt wong be wang? that looks familiar?

    • Guest

      Hilarious!

  • Secret Blasian Man

    I got nuthin’.

    • RedBeardedT

      I fucked a BL Asian chick in highschool. Just thought I’d let you know.

    • RedBeardedT

      Just got autocorrected, suppose to say blasian.

  • Rupert Deese

    fuck this publication for using a scantily clad woman to advertise this story. What year are you living in where this is appropriate?

    • this guy

      and youre the horny dude expecting to find more pics of her only to be wrong and get angry about it

    • Ibby

      The year where fetishization of Asian women is somehow not considered racist or sexist.

  • B. Wiz

    I’m confused why the image selected is of a seductive looking Asian woman. If the story was about a white boy would they have used a hot white woman?

    • furcifer

      She has a name dude.

      • K

        Don’t missing the point…

      • Kareem J. Lanier

        Who?

    • Carinna-Rose Elliott

      its not about a white boy… he is Korean, which is Asian… did you even read?

      • not B. Wiz

        Did you even read his comment? Irony!

      • Ibby

        You’re white so you’re a coked-up stripper, right?

  • I find this story hard to believe. They never paid attention to the names on the adoption papers until the child was ready to enter college? The boy himself never wanted to know anything about his parents? The Chinese aunt and uncle who “taught him cultural things” never noticed the child looked Korean and not Chinese? I guess it is possible, but I have my doubts.

    • S

      I’m totally with you, Coleslaw. This story is just too implausible to believe.

    • SRT

      As a Chinese, I have to admit that it’s really hard for me (and many Chinese people) to differentiate Chinese, Korean and Japanese people by just looking at their faces. No way I can differentiate American born Chinese, Korean and Japanese. I can only tell the differences if they are from their culture backgrounds (like by languages, behaviors kind of things). So I guess it’s not the Chinese aunt and uncle’s fault!

      • baiyueh

        we can tell each other apart and we can tell if someone from the Northern or Southern China…I bet u get pissed when someone says u look like Viet or a Filipino. They exist, and don’t hate.

        • baiyueh

          BTW, not all Chinese look a like. There are some Japanese people that can pass as Southern Chinese or even south east asian. The history of SEA and E. Asia is very complex!

          • Jimmy Lee

            What if you’re from Hong Kong, we have people from Shanghai and all over China. And all those Northern mandarin people have been swarming in in to Guangdong Province to earn a buck hahaha. So it doesn’t really matter anymore.

      • SalmonFillet

        I’ve found that, as far as East Asians are concerned, the main distinguishing factor is not so much looks as behavior patterns – the way they sit, the way they initiate conversation (or don’t), the way they walk, what they do with their eyes and hands, etc. This gets thrown way, way off when you’re talking 2nd or 3rd gen.

      • Janny Jin

        As a Chinese from mainland, I know it’s hard to tell a person who’s from Japan or Korean just from their face. I usually have to check their dressing, like what they wear and how they do make up and they usually have accent. So if there’s no culture behind like that kid, people can’t tell for sure.

    • Ibby

      I thought that too. If they really cared so much about keeping the kid in touch with his “roots” and it was an open adoption (which it would’ve needed to be if they had the parents’ names) then wouldn’t they have told the kid who his biological parents were?

    • Kareem J. Lanier

      Click bait. These stories are usually fake.

  • TheDer

    Damn white people…this is BS. NO WAY. Unless they adopted him in a back alley somewhere, isnt there very detailed paperwork on adoption? The poster even said eh MET THE BIRTH PARENTS. So that means it was done on the up and up. Through some agency, lawyers the whole thing…paperwork drawn up etc. THERE IS NO WAY the part where you state your ethnicity was overlooked. WTF? This is stupid…and agreed on the semi sexy Asian girl to click bait this ridiculous story.

    • goldenkiwi

      17 years ago white people here were way more narrow minded and ignorant about different cultures. I remember most people I was growing up with were too scared to consume curry and sushi and probably not paying close attention to be able to discern between East Asian names. “Park” and “Kim” would not have screamed Korean — back then — but that’s obviously changed now, considering how much more mainstream and normalized minority/fobby pop culture has become in the west. So um, I still see the situation as plausible.

    • Ibby

      Wouldn’t the part asking them to state their ethnicity simply be a box for “Asian” or at most “East Asian”? I agree it’s a dubious story but I’ve never filled out a form that asked me to specify if I was Korean or Chinese.

  • Calalily Mutan

    The heck!… I need to do some soul searching….

    • piglet4u2h8

      *Seoul searching. FTFY.

      • Calalily Mutan

        haha, you’re right!

  • I’m adopted as well, & this is THE funniest adoption story I have ever read.

    Also, there are closed adoptions. I have friends that are Korean twins who were adopted, & it also happened that the agency/home lost all their past information – they don’t even know their actual date of birth! Since they were “gifts” of love, Christmas ended up being a fitting birthday date for them.

    Anything can be possible within the adoption world. Kooky shit goes on there.

    • RapidOne

      The “gifts” of love… awesome =]

    • Ibby

      The parents just randomly picked a date for their birthday on all their official documentation?

  • lube

    Damn, that girl is HOT.

  • RapidOne

    Hehe, still a better parent than most. Kudos for being such a stand-up, awesome, human-being that this would actually bother him that much, despite all the details =]…

  • RapidOne

    Anyone else think that girl at the top looks like an Asian Jennifer Love Hewitt??

    • Ibby

      Anyone of any ethnicity will look pretty much the same if they have similar plastic surgeons.

  • Di

    There are many Korean people living in China as well. Just treat him as a Korean person in China.

  • Lauren Hall-Stigerts

    How NOT to do content marketing: 1) Base the majority of the site’s content on the ripped intellectual property of other people. 2) Use a lead image that has nothing to do with the story except getting it more clicks. Hope you enjoyed your 15 seconds of content fame, Victor Chang. You just lost the credibility of a very large audience. Please stick to website design: content isn’t your strong suit if you have to stoop this low.

  • Steve Goh

    u can’t really tell them apart. to be honest, koreans were from the chinese community…but I guess it’s history stuff

  • morons

    Yes, let’s objectify women by using them solely for eye candy for the cover photo of an article which has exactly 0% to do with them. For an article that is really just copied and pasted from a discussion forum. “Author”, your life must be so difficult.

  • eloise

    Its ok. You were so sweet you did your best. Think of it this way, koreans japs etc all originated from china anyways …..

    • Ibby

      You mean Koreans, Japanese and Chinese people all originated from an empire that had nothing to do with modern-day China.

  • M.B.

    This must be the /facepalm of the year. I think your son probably still enjoys thinking he is Chinese. I suggest your burn those birth records NOW.

  • BS

    The adopted Chinese aunt and uncle certainly would have known this Korean boy is not Chinese. I call BS

    • Ibby

      Why the hell would they have known? I look as stereotypically Northern Chinese as I possibly could (which doesn’t look ANYTHING like stereotypical Koreans) but Chinese people still believe me when I say I’m Korean. (I lie about it when I’m in China because I don’t like people asking me why I don’t speak Chinese.) Asians only THINK they can tell the difference.

      I think it’s a suspicious story too but this is a stupid reason to call bs.

  • George Marshall

    Just as he called himself, “I’m that dumb liberal white dickhead”. There is no reason you had to do that. He was born in America, he is an American. Raise him as an American and teach him American values. How many parents do you know who adopted a kid of German roots go to the pains this dumbstruck went to teach their kid Germany language and culture. Very few I’m sure. This is also one of the racists things Ive ever heard. Just because he looks Chinese you think he needs to learn Chinese language and culture. Your so libreal and open minded you end up being a dumb fuck racists. Stop trying to hard to be PC. Just be normal, and raise your children normally.

    • Ibby

      I thought it was excessive, but how many adopted German kids do you know spend their entire lives being asked “but you’re German….why are you from an American family?” They don’t, because people can’t tell they’re adopted unless they ask. Asians who are adopted into white families will ALWAYS be asked why they have a non-Asian last name, why they don’t speak an Asian language, etc. They’ll always have an easier time making friends with other Asian kids than white kids because kids are racist little fuckers too. At least if he gets a bit of exposure to Asian culture, he’ll have a way of fitting in with the people he’s always going to be expected to hang out with.

  • Edward Kwong

    Personally, I don’t see the big deal. The kid got loving parents from what would have been dead beat parents (I assume). They did the right thing of giving him away since they weren’t ready for a kid. I can understand the craziness of revealing it to him though.

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