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‘The Walking Dead’ Renewed for Season Six, Now Called ‘Here Comes the Ebola!’

AMC has ordered a sixth season of The Walking Dead, which is the highest-rated show in cable TV history and TV’s number-one show in the 18-49 demographic. Season Five premieres this Sunday.

AMC has also green-lit a Walking Dead spinoff pilot which will show what’s happening with zombies in other parts of the world. I’m guessing Parisian zombies growl and moan with French accents (and unshaven armpits for the ladies). AMC President Charlie Collier stated, “Almost from the beginning of The Walking Dead on AMC, fans have been curious about what is going on in the zombie apocalypse in other parts of the world. In fact, beyond requests for zombie cameos, it’s the question I get asked the most.”

That’s all well and good, but let’s not forget that zombies are boring as shit. All they do is chase and bite people, and they’re not even very good at that. Same for vampires and werewolves – boring and f***ed-out. We need new monsters – for instance, people whose brains have been hijacked by their smart phones and iPads (but not by sentient machines that want to destroy humanity, which is also f***ed-out). Or people, 15 years from now, who harness nanotech to acquire and misuse vast new powers (which they don’t just use to throw cars). Let’s go, you lazy-ass, unimaginative Hollywood producers.

Meanwhile, we have The Walking Dead, which is looking more and more like America’s guide to dealing with the coming Ebola epidemic. For zombies and Ebola, the rules are pretty much the same – stay away from crowds and wear splatter-resistant clothing.

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