Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Aren’t Getting Married Anytime Soon

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp’s whirlwind romance is cooling down, so says PEOPLE. Sources tell them there’s trouble in paradise. Heard is a bisexual free spirit with skills with a .357 Magnum while Johnny Depp likes to wear weird hats he thought up of in a dream. Age has also become an issue. Gramps probably needs to turn in at 9 every night.

“There is no rush to marry at the moment,” says a longtime friend of Depp. “Johnny is crazy in love with Amber, but there is turmoil in the relationship.”

Heard also likes to play the field.

“Amber flirts and has many different kinds of relationships,” the source says. “She is not really ready to settle down.”

This could be why Depp was wasted at that awards ceremony a while ago. He deals with his issues like everyone else. By drinking until he forgets.