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Jennifer Aniston Topless at 45 and Still Defying Gravity

Out of all the Friends, Jennifer Aniston’s body and face have held up the best. Courtney Cox’s bikini game may rival Aniston’s, but her reliance on plastic surgery has wrecked her face. Lisa Kudrow pops up only when Friends reunites. Definitely no one’s clamoring for her topless pics.

So when Aniston poses topless for Allure, you’ve gotta stop and stare. The universe gave Aniston a body that even Father Time can’t destroy. Here she poses with her hairstylist Chris McMillan who holds her close not out of friendship, but to hide a massive boner.

Aniston seems to have accepted at 45, she won’t have children any time soon. Wah wahh. She tells Allure:

I don’t like [the pressure] that people put on me, on women — that you’ve failed yourself as a female because you haven’t procreated. I don’t think it’s fair. You may not have a child come out of your vagina, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t mothering — dogs, friends, friends’ children.

It’s a case of the grass is always greener. When you don’t have kids, your perfectly taut body wants them. When you have them, you’re desperately trying to shove them back in and apply cocoa butter to your stretch marks.

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scaryklowncowbullsCapt. CornholeBilzy Recent comment authors
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Bilzy
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Bilzy

Zzzzzz

Capt. Cornhole
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Capt. Cornhole

I’ve got a drawer full of things I’d like to see come out of her vagina.
Slide a crazy straw up her urethra and charge $10 a sip. I’m sure I could retire next week after that gig, even if she’s squirting out that nasty ammonia cat-piss urine.

cowbulls
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cowbulls

I wonder how many guys have been sexually serviced by Aniston. I bet she’s like a robot by now.

scaryklown
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scaryklown

Ummmm, Lisa Kudrow has two shows on the air now (Web Therapy and The Comeback) and just won the People’s Choice for Best TV Actress, so Chuck needs to get out a bit more.

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