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Seth Rogen Hires Special Forces Bodyguard Due to Terrorist Threats

Or alternatively titled, Seth Rogen has a new man by his side. Who knew comedy could be so dangerous? Each day this Sony hack gets more and more serious. What started as embarrassing low-level leaks turned into full-blown 9/11-type threats. The Guardians of Peace hackers seem to have gotten to Seth Rogen. He hired a bodyguard who’s described as ex-special forces and highly skilled.

Where’s Liam Neeson when you need him?? Neeson’s badass. Taken told me so. “But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you.” Sic him on the Guardians of Peace one by one. He’ll leave a trail of broken kneecaps and unconscious hackers behind him. Wait, what? Movies aren’t real?? WTF are you talking about…

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Marty brill
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Soon all these morally filthy Zionist Jews are going to need a bodyguard

Bob Frapples
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Bob Frapples

The comma is your friend.

Marty brill
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I didn’t know this was an English test. Why do you care Bobbing for Frapples?

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