ESC

Lindsay Lohan Can’t Walk Because She’s Diseased

Linday Lohan seems to have caught something in Bora Bora. A rare, incurable virus. No, not herpes. She already had that. It’s Chikungunya, a virus transmitted by mosquito bites that causes fever, joint pain and fatigue.

She had just flown back to LA to shoot an Esurance commercial for the Super Bowl where she probably started complaining about being sick. Since she’s used that excuse so many times before, everyone must have just rolled their eyes and did the jerking off motion. Then she went back to London where she could no longer walk because of the joint pain.

Linday was sent to King Edward VII’s Hospital, where the Queen herself gets treated, but was released after her fever broke. Her joint pain, however, is intense as ever and now she can barely walk.

Thus leaves that one guy in his house screaming at the heavens, “Ugh. I said make her not talk. TALK! Not walk!” That guy would be me.

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