Man Suffers Permanently ‘Eroded’ Penis Due to Insurance Company’s Incompetency

Words that could only sound worse if Dr. Nick from The Simpsons said them: your penis and urethra have permanently eroded away. Yikes. An elderly man in Napa County received just that news when he endured insurance idiotry. According to Newser, Rupert Collins began having problems with a catheter in his peehole. So, a nurse requested permission from Collins’ insurance company, Kaiser Foundation Health Plan, to remove the catheter. Why? The area around the catheter had turned “red and swollen and cut”. Of course, Kaiser denied the request.

Gradually, the suit says, “his penis began to erode further and further each day.” Oh joy. Nine days later another nurse tried again, asking for removal. Yet again, denied. By now, his penis had “split completely in half from the tip of his penis all the way down to the scrotum sac”. Not a problem according to Kaiser. It’ll heal they said.

A few days later, a Kaiser urologist finally came out and gave the bad, bad news. The erosion was ‘complete’ and not even reconstructive surgery could save Collins’ penis.

My bad Rupert! *pounds chest* That’s what the urologist probably said. You mad bro? C’mon, you really wanted a penis? At least someone didn’t cut it off and feed it to the dogs. Think of how much fun you’ll have sitting down to pee and staring down at the vagina-like hole where your dick once hung. If you need one, ask double-dick dude if he’ll lend you one. He’s got extras.

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