Olivia Wilde Compares Post-Pregnancy Body to ‘Deflated Pool Toy’

Olivia Wilde proves the case against pregnancy. At least when it comes to guys. Who wants to look at flabby skin and saggy stomachs, all for the few seconds of joy that a baby brings. Meanwhile, the rest of the time they cry for undecipherable reasons and crap all over the place. Wilde wrote an essay in Shape about pregnancy, her body and what it all means. Here’s a summary: Enjoy non-pregnant girlfriends while you still can.

On her new post-pregnancy body:

“I am not in perfect shape. In fact, I’m softer than I’ve ever been, including that unfortunate semester in high school when I simultaneously discovered Krispy Kreme and pot,” she wrote. “The photos of me in this magazine have been generously constructed to show my best angles, and I assure you, good lighting has been warmly embraced. The truth is, I’m a mother, and I look like one.”

Yeesh. What about the vagina?

“First of all, you haven’t seen your vagina in months, even though it’s all her fault you’re in this situation. Now that you can finally confirm that she is, in fact, still there, she isn’t the gal that you remember, and would rather you back off and give her some space (and an ice diaper) for the time being, thank you very much.”

Way to sell having a baby, Olivia. She also calls her body a ‘deflated pool toy’ and herself as part of the ‘walking wounded’. So having a baby ranks the same as going to war. It’s a war on vaginas and it’s a war we must stop for the good of all mankind.

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8 years ago

I’d still hit that ;)