Beyoncé Struggles to Correctly Use Wine, Infuses Hot Tub with More Than Your Next Paycheck

After the drop of Nicki Minaj’s new song, we’ve learned that for Beyoncé to feel herself she needs to feed a hot tub roughly $20,000 of Ace of Spades sparkling wine.

Do you want ants, Beyoncé? Because this is how you get ants! Or more likely, this is how you get us regular people everywhere to weep into their André, but still drink it because it’s still “champagne” as long as it’s less than 20% tears.

Perhaps Queen B thought only those affluent nincompoops on Tidal would witness her struggle to understand the difference between hot tub chemicals and sparkling wine. Sweet, sweet Beyoncé, will you not learn the ways of the internet?

Obviously, this has not been the most popular use of money with Bey-Once fans who owe institutions around the world roughly one or two hot tubbed bottles of effervescent wine worth of college education.

Now to be fair to our favorite Super Bowl Hulk, her dear Jay Z does own the Ace of Spades company that supplied the pricey wine, so she probably didn’t have to pay for it! Status report: Your Andre: $4.99 of pure hangover, Bey’s $20,000 wine: most likely free and ruining the pipes of a hot tub you also can’t afford! Oh, the sweet struggle of the wealthy.

Then again, maybe we’re all wrong and this is the correct way to use sparkling wine the price of 1.25 minimum wage salaries; honestly, we don’t have the resources to find out.

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