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Kanye West ‘Earned’ an Honorary Doctorate

College dropout Kanye West has achieved the dream of every entertainer the world over. He’s earned a doctorate. Not just any doctorate. An honorary one. Who were the kind souls that needed publicity enough to award him such a distinguished title? None other than the School of the Art Institute of Chicago.

They forced Kanye to sit for an hour and a half. A long wait considering his sycophants were only a stone’s throw away to stroke his already throbbing ego. When it came time to accept his award, he took the mic for 5 minutes. He did not drop it at the end.

He stepped to the microphone, then stepped abruptly backstage, then stepped to the podium again and jokingly apologized for a lifetime of the things he has said: “I’m sorry, that was just my opinion.” He added he was nervous: “I felt my nerves a bit. I don’t feel that feeling a lot. The nerves of humility and modesty when being honored, a humanization of a reality of being recognized. All I thought as I sat (in the audience), kind of shaking a little bit, is I need to get rid of that feeling, I need to not be nervous.” Then, switching gears — as he did repeatedly in his five-minute, notes-free speech: “This honor is going to make your lives easier, for two reasons: You don’t have to defend me as much! And I’m going to make all of our lives easier.”

Those who had also earned their doctorates from SAIC subsequently shattered the frame they were proudly displaying it in and wiped their asses with it because it’s pretty much worthless now.

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cowbulls

The Art Institute of Chicago must be a loser school.

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Poopstar

Monkeys can get awards???

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