ESC

How Many Licks Does It Take to Avoid Arrest for Domestic Abuse? Louisiana Woman Finds Out It is Not One on the Butthole

One, two, crunch.

There is a saying, “don’t stick your dick in crazy.” Thank goodness a Louisiana police officer was able to avoid the tempestuous advances of 52-year-old Diane Thomas whom he was trying to arrest.

After punching her live-in boyfriend of 13 years in the face, because as she puts it so sweetly, “he (was) a b*tch and got in her face, so she beat his ass”, Diane Thomas was, to her surprise, arrested. While it can only be speculated what “being a bitch” involves, it seems obvious if you don’t want to go to jail, you probably shouldn’t start punching someone in the face and, additionally, when an officer comes because you have been punching someone in the face, you shouldn’t admit to the officer you were beating any asses.

This flew way over Diane’s head though. After her initial shock of being arrested, she began to plead with the officer. Ah Bargaining, the third stage of grief. She explained to the officer that she couldn’t go to jail because “she had a good job”. Tell that to Martha Stewart. When he wasn’t biting at the philanthropy card, saucy Diane took a new route.

 “If you won’t take me to jail I will get on my knees right now,” she reportedly said. “Officer, I will even lick your butt hole.”

Clearly, this guy was not into butt stuff because Diane Thomas is now facing bribery charges on top of her sundae of domestic abuse charges. After being released on $5000 bond, we can only hope her grief has moved to acceptance coupled with the embarrassment of having it documented she’d lick a random asshole to avoid arrest.

Leave a Reply

avatar
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Latest
Load more