ESC

Alabama Man Jealous of Attention His Wife Gave Her Dog, So He Boned Her Dog

Your high school geometry class prepared you for this logic; here is a real world example of the transitive property:

Jonathan Edward Medley’s wife paid more attention to her dog than Jonathan. Jonathan wanted his wife to shower him with more attention than her dog. Since:

Wife=Dog as Jonathan=Wife, therefore Jonathan must bone dog to maintain equivalence.

Yeah, doin’ his dog; you’ve gotta admit, that’s math problem logic. Debbie’s got 213 candy bars, Andy’s trying to sell 2.5 bikes, Jonathan’s going to have sex with his dog – you know, math problem logic.

Unfortunately, when you apply math problem logic to the real world, you go to jail.

“He was mad at his wife because she paid more attention to the dog than him so he had sex with the dog,” [Geneva Police Captain Ricky] Morgan said. “She actually thought he was having an affair with another woman and hid a recording device. She learned he was in fact molesting the dog.”

Bummer. Only getting worse, Medley’s Shih Tzu victim suffered injuries from the incident that may lead to euthanasia, because somehow he didn’t reach the volume phase of geometry and didn’t really think through his relative size as compared to the dog. Also, bestiality is gross but somehow not against the law in Alabama…anymore. Because of this adorable appealed law, Medley was charged only with a misdemeanor for doin’ it doggy style.

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