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Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Plan to Divorce — Garner Gets the Kids, Affleck Gets the Strippers

What happens when your marriage is a permanent case of the Mondays? You either ride it out like a champ or throw in the towel. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner tried to stick it out, but now it looks like their union will be no more come June 29th. That’s the day of their 10th anniversary, and it’s also the day that Affleck wants Garner to put out a statement that they are separated. Because Affleck’s really into numerology.

The troubled parents of three children will officially announce their split within weeks, according to a source – setting the stage for a $150 million divorce!

“Ben and Jen are through!” said the Hollywood informant. “He’s told Jen that he wants the official statement to come out before their 10-year wedding anniversary on June 29.”

Rumor has it that Garner doesn’t appreciate Affleck’s propensity for gambling. C’mon Jen, the dude cleaned out Hard Rock. That’s like telling LeBron James not to play basketball. It probably didn’t help that Affleck recently went out without his wedding ring.

During his stay on a remote island, the Oscar winner was caught on video without his wedding ring! Stunned by yet another betrayal from her husband, Jen has temporarily moved to Montreal, where she is filming the comedy, “Nine Lives.”…

“Ben has been left with daddy duty, which he hates, until school is out for the summer,” revealed a source. “Then, all three kids will travel to Montreal to be with Jen – and Ben will be gone for good!”

Even Batman has to change diapers. What’s the point of being a superhero if you have to walk around with smelly bags of poo at night?

Not even Affleck’s huge dick can save this marriage. He’s already consulting divorce attorneys and plotting for the day he can reunite with Matt Damon.

“He’s positioning for a divorce. Right now, it’s just coming up with a strategy and whether or not it makes sense for Ben to do it quietly and jointly so there is no battle, or to do it on his own.”

Things are so bad Affleck “stormed out on Jen and fled to a Buddhist monastery in Canada to “get his head straight.”’ That’s when the monks all pointed and gasped, “Look..It’s fucking Batman!”

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