Caitlyn Jenner’s Face Cost More Than My College Education and It Seems to be a Better Investment

How much for that face-y in the window? Nearly 70-thousand-doll-aires.

A slurry of reality show and Olympic money can really do you a lot of favors; when you’re Caitlyn Jenner you use $70,000 to tune up mommy’s face. While even my judge-y grandma has openly admitted she’s a pretty girl, that’s still a ginormous chunk of change.

Let’s break it down with the help of celebrity plastic surgeon Dr. David Alessi, shall we? Cait’s estimated procedures include: rhinoplasty, which runs ya about $9,000 to $15,000; possibly some facial rejuvenation surgery, which is a whopping quarter-grand by itself; brow lift, another $11,000 to $12,000; cheek implants (and guurl you are workin’ them!), which is a brisk $6,000 to $8,000; Adam’s apple shaving, that runs between $6,000 to $10,000; and finally some Botox to the jaw, a measly $800. Alessi also adds that this investment still usually requires some surgical upkeep as many of his patients like to tweak things and also enjoy their new, feminized digs in pristine condition for as long as they can. Let’s also not forget to mention the hormones that’ll run Jenner $100 to $500 a month for the rest of her life.

Her feminization surgery took around 10 hours this past March proving beauty is both time consuming, costly, and painful. But facial feminization is just the tip of the iceberg for most transgender women. It’s likely Jenner will also be interested in sexual reassignment surgery as well as a little lipo reassignment. A little off the waist, a little on the ass, or if Caitlyn will go with her family’s norm, A LOT on the ass. Please delve into a conversation about getting a potential Kim K donk, Caitlyn and Kardashian sisters;  I would watch the bejesus out of that Keeping Up episode.

Caitlyn has been just glowing about loving the skin she’s in and hats off to that but, let’s also take a moment to mourn the fact that face cost more than our college education and has already proved to be a better investment for Jenner. Here is also a list of things that cost around $70,000 to really get the gravity of the situation: pedal-powered submarine for two, state school college education, a Fleet Services International franchise, and, most importantly my happiness. Someone give me $70,000.