Dwayne Johnson to Star in Another Hollywood Remake, ‘Big Trouble in Little China’. Surprise, It’s An Action Movie

Remaking cult movies, does it need to be done? Absolutely not! But will Hollywood do it for the money? That’s a positive, Ghost Rider!

As the current generation of people able to spend the time and money on movies have no connection to PG-13 media, the late 80’s, Big Trouble in Little China is the next redo to be spit out of Hollywood. This time, it’ll star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, who still uses his wrestling name, even though his career has transferred mainly into eating 8 million calories a day and “acting” in the quarterly-produced Fast and Furious.

Johnson will also be producing the remake, because the original is one of his favorites and you know what you should do when you really like something, crush it to pieces by making it yourself! The rights to the screenplay have already been won by Ashley Miller and Zach Stentz, writers of X-Men: First Class, a movie I can not remember enough to make a half-hearted attempt at a joke.

Johnson has worked himself the sweet deal of playing lead character, Jack Burton, a ‘Merican trucker who finds himself in a centuries-old mystical battle in San Francisco’s Chinatown underground. While the movie somehow didn’t spark enough curiousity to be popular in the box office, it has become one of those movies you lazily turn on cable because, “what the heck is this”, or “ah yes, this will be good for my nap.” To be fair, it does have a cult following as anything that was originally a 1880s Western script that got turned into a modern kung-fu, time travel, adventure romp should be!

No doubt, Hollywood has a computer programmed to decide which movie with the highest previous sales has been most forgotten: today that’s you, Big Trouble in Little China.

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7 years ago

Wow. What a snarky bitchy article. Lol Angry much? How about having some perspective.

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