Heidi Klum Makes Out on Beach Confirming Even Old People Have Urges

Hey, wanna see old parents stick their tongues down each other’s throats? Don’t answer, we know it’s a ‘yes’. Supermodel, or ex-supermodel we should say, Heidi Klum devoured boyfriend Vito Schnabel’s faces in St. Barts recently. She’s 42, aren’t women going through menopause by then? Making out for her is foreplay, as it is for most people. Except hers needs to last four hours to get everything going. It’d be like starting up an old car that hasn’t been turned on in years. A few putt-putts, then a massive explosion of exhaust from the tailpipe. For Klum, the tailpipe is…well, you can figure it out.

Must suck being a celebrity sometimes. All you want to do is kiss in public. Yet, Klum has to drape a towel over her head to hide her kissing from the paps.

Like she’s elephant woman or something. Making out with a towel on your face in the hot sun, where do we sign up for that??

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8 years ago

A mathematically correct relationship. 28 goes into 42 more than 42 goes into 28