Dildos Mysteriously Hanging Off Portland Power Lines

In the market for a gently used but never inserted dildo? Check the power lines above the streets of Portland, Oregon where hundreds of majestic, colorful phalluses are sprinkling the city like tennis shoes in the ghetto. Residents are taking the “Keep Portland Weird” motto very much to heart.

The large orange and white dildos are strung together in pairs and have created many reports to their department of Neighborhood Involvement. “Umm, yeah there are like, you know… dild, err, sex toys, umm, adult toys, yeah adult toys hanging all over the power lines. We gonna do something about that?”

A spokesman for Portland General Electric said he did not believe the rubber products posed a fire hazard. If tennis shoes, birds, and squirrels can make it, some plastic penises can as well, right? I’m assuming he added “that plastic is pretty durable, did you know you can put them in the dishwasher!?”

This art piece is currently going unclaimed, but make sure to hit Portland up before it vanishes. It’s like going to Disney World for the Y2K celebration, make sure you visit while it lasts.

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