George R. R. Martin’s Complaints About Marvel After Seeing ‘Ant Man’

George R.R. Martin aired his Marvel gripes, including his boredom with Marvel’s villains, probably because they’re not really ever killed off and that’s what really lights his fire. After recently seeing Ant Man, Martin took his frustrations to his blog. Unfortunately, I am super out of the loop on Game of Thrones and my wonderful nerdy boyfriend just made me stay home instead of going to see Ant Man. I agreed to this under the compromise he would help me understand Martin’s qualms with the plots and villains of Marvel, let us begin.

From Martin’s blog:

“Where was the Wasp? We got a few glimpses, and a set up for the next film. But I wanted more Wasp, and I loved the old original Hank/ Janet dynamic (before they got to the wife-beating stuff).”

Me: “Wait, this movie is really about an Ant Man? Like it’s insect-themed? This seems really lame.”

Sleepy boyfriend: “It’s not lame, I promise. Stop making that face, it’s not lame. It’s funny!” 

Me: (pure skepticism)

Bf: “Given all this history, I had a lot of trepidation when this movie was announced. Would they do it right, would they capture the original Ant-Man from Tales to Astonish and Avengers #1, the character I’d loved… or would they f**k it up?? I was eager for the film, but apprehensive about it as well, especially when I heard it would be about Scott Lang, not Hank Pym.

I am relieved and delighted to report they did it right.”

Me: “The fact that there was more than one attempt to make Ant Man blows my mind.”

Bf: “I thought you had questions about villains?”

Me: “Listen, I need to wrap my head around this premise. What heroic deeds is an ant going to accomplish? Being able to dislodge something in my digestive system if I eat him and stomach acid doesn’t destroy him?”

Bf: (no answer, roll over to a sleeping position, I’m guessing wanting to call me out on making too many things about poop.)

Me: (Fine, two can play at this game, I will stick my icy feet on you.)

Bf: “I am tired of this Marvel movie trope where the bad guy has the same powers as the hero. The Hulk fought the Abomination, who is just a bad Hulk. Spider-Man fights Venom, who is just a bad Spider-Man. Iron Man fights Ironmonger, a bad Iron Man. Yawn. I want more films where the hero and the villain have wildly different powers. That makes the action much more interesting.”

Me: “Do any of the movies have them paired with these villains? I don’t know any of these villains? I don’t remember any of this.”

Bf: (gentle snoring, complete ignorance.)

Me: Fine, I will research, you unhelpful cornball (shout out to Meek Mill for teaching me that fantastic insult.)

Okay, it seems, logically, that the villains sometimes have matched powers to their superhero because that’s what makes them such a perfect threat. Those particular hero/villain combos have birthed from the comic books. Okay Martin, you want it authentic, but you want the action to be more interesting… As you taught us in the Red Wedding, you can’t have it all!

“A superhero movie needs a fair share of smashing and bashing and stuff blowing up, of course, but IMNSHO [in my not so humble opinion] that stuff works best when it is happening to people we actually know and care about, and if you jam in too many characters and don’t take time to develop any of them properly, well…”

Woah, woah, woah, man “not so humble opinion,” calm those jets, just because you make audiences fall in love with a character only to brutally murder them off doesn’t mean it “works best.” Someday, we’re all gonna get sick of your predictable, homicidal s**t (but, probably not). And how can you even stand on the judging grounds of including too many characters?

Me: “Babe, Babe, Babe, Babe?”

Bf: (guttural grunt)

Me: “Would you say Marvel puts too many heroes in their movies?”

Bf: (guttural grunt followed by heavy snoring)

Okay, I think Martin may have a point here I mean, I honestly thought The Avengers was like a super special occurrence of characters joining their stories and universes together, then came Guardians of the Galaxy. Even with the pluralized version of “guardian,” I was not expecting a slew of heroes including a CG raccoon.

Really, no matter what side Martin’s opinion a fan falls, I’m sure they have to agree with my now sleeping boyfriend at the beginning of his hollow compromise to help me, “George R.R. Martin needs to spend less time bitching about Marvel and more time finishing the next Thrones book.” I’m sure you’re not alone, babe. Now I’m gonna try and stop myself from taking a picture of your current sleeping position and Instagraming it. You look like a bull fighter and/or flamenco dancer; basically you got a Spanish thing going on and it’s pretty funny.

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