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Gwyneth Paltrow Informs Your Inferior Self to Yawn ‘Properly’

Gwyneth Paltrow’s mission to show us she’s like sooo down to earth and normal continues with her most recent newsletter article entitled: “Why Yawning Is Important – and How to Optimize the Reflex.” Bitch doesn’t think us poor-o’s know how to yawn!

If you are currently thinking, “OMG have I been yawning wrong my whole life!?” I would like you to shut the Internet, you don’t belong here. For those curious as to what groundbreaking news Paltrow could possibly have for us, read ahead.

YAWN #1

Gently tilt your head back to a comfortable position and allow your mouth to hang open widely while you gently extend into it.

Contract the back of the throat as if to perform Ujjayi breathing—a whispery breath—which is typically done through your nose with your mouth closed. Breathe deeply through your mouth so you feel the air hit the back of your throat.

Inhale and exhale completely while allowing your shoulders to relax as you exhale.

When the yawn comes, reach and extend into it, riding the yawn to stretch the jaw muscles.

Repeat 8-10 times until tearing starts. As your jaw muscles stretch and relax, and the yawn expands, the lacrimal glands around the eye are squeezed and tearing is induced.

YAWN #2

Continue with steps 1-4 above, and when the yawn comes, bring together only the lips. Keep the teeth slightly separated. Creating this shape with your mouth as you yawn will take out more slack in the throat muscles to bring the lengthening and relaxation around the base of the tongue, and further stretch and relax the neck, jaw, and occipital regions.

Repeat 8-10 times until you begin to tear.

Well gang, I just tried this in a busy airport terminal and I’ve got to say, I’ve been yawning correctly my whole life. Also, I think the person behind me packed a curry to have as a snack. Also, this yawn is probably gonna get me detained for suspicious behavior, thanks Gwyneth Paltrow. Also, I just need to point out, even if she wasn’t famous would you not expect this shit from someone named, Gwyneth?

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