Gwyneth Paltrow — Still Saying Annoying S**t, It’s Like She Can’t Help It

We’re so conditioned to hate on Gwyneth by now, perhaps we are the actual problem…Naaah. It’s because every time she opens up her mouth, smarminess comes out. She just has a way of annoying. Paltrow was the keynote speaker at Something called SheKnows Media’s #BlogHer15 conference. Talking about her ludicrous GOOP newsletter, Paltrow asserted:

“It’s my whole day. I basically get my kids to school, and I go into the office, and it’s really my focus right now. It’s an actual real job.”

*sneers* Actual, real job. Congratulations. You can hear her in her voice, justification for dumb ass articles like how to to yawn. Honestly, if you need lessons on how to yawn, keep reading GOOP. You’re their target demographic: retarded.

GOOP started out as a private newsletter, which would have been so awesome if she kept it that way. Less opportunity for us to listen to her.

Paltrow founded New York City-based Goop in 2008, initially conceiving it as a lifestyle newsletter to share recipes, travel recommendations and shopping discoveries privately among friends. But people told her that given her fame, there was no way really to do something like that private.

Soon though, she realized she couldn’t keep secrets such as how to yawn and vagina steaming to herself. She could be a “brand”. Also, she could rip off her own company for interest-free loans and pay herself half a million for retarded advice. People are idiots. But, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed vagina steamer is queen.