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NYPD Sergeant Suspended for Romantic Gesture, Threw Semen on Female Co-Worker

What a fun day for HR.

An NYPD sergeant has been suspended after throwing semen at a female co-worker, begging us to wonder where the semen came from and how he possibly got enough of the viscous substance to throw.

Apparently, Sergeant Michael Iscenko was caught on video jizz-coating a fellow employee whom he was allegedly “enamored with”; he previously told her he “liked her.” Clearly, he needed to show her he liked her, liked her.

His victim of love was just about to leave the bathroom at One Police Plaza, when she felt something sliding down her leg. A security video shows Iscenko crouching behind her and, though it’s unclear the exact method of semen transfer, choosing that moment and substance to profess his love. When she felt the strange feeling of a body fluid you don’t produce running down her leg, she immediately looked down and asked him “what are you doing?” It seems pretty clear what he was doing, trying to make sure he would never be employable anywhere, ever again.

The victim walked her semen-leg straight to reporting the assault immediately and DNA confirmed that the substance was definitely semen, though it’s not confirmed whether that semen belongs to Iscenko or not yet. Yeah, that’s how you get the girls, drip someone else’s semen down their leg.

Iscenko, who’s a 54-year-old divorcee, was described by a source as, “This is not some creepy looking pervert. He’s entirely normal looking.” Yeah, you can be creepy and still normal looking; Ted Bundy anyone?

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