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Samantha Hoopes — Breasts So Big They Don’t Fit Into This Pic

Samantha Hoopes’ star keeps rising, much like my erection. Every guy’s erection actually, once they see her pics. A nation of boners. Those erections are like a squadron of tanks slowly raising their barrels in a salute to everything that’s right about America. Just don’t get caught in the friendly fire. It could get messy.

Hoopes Instagrammed herself in a bra and let’s use our imaginations, umm..no panties. You know what else she did? Win my heart.

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Although, she could do without the “Happy 4th America proud to be American & home of the free & the brave” sentiment she posted and that every celeb posted on July 4th. Seems fake. Yea, we get it, you want everyone to think you’re not some out-of-touch celebrity. U-S-A! U-S-A!! Now get back to your pool party.

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