ESC

Mid-Ohio Resident Doesn’t Think Through Droning in Drugs to Prison

Ah, the serene city of Mansfield, Ohio: the closed down GM Plant, the related rampant unemployment, the most confusing amount of hipsters at a downtown-I-guess coffee establishment named “Relax,” the drones that spark physical fights trying to drop drugs over their prisons.

Fun stuff, that last one is a development since my tenure in the city and I can tell you, I’m exactly zero percent surprised a mid-Ohio resident thought it would be a good idea to try and fly drugs into the clink for their prisoner friends; I watched someone try unsuccessfully to describe hummus to the residents less than a year ago.

The drone dropped a package including nearly a quarter ounce of heroin, over two ounces of marijuana, and a heaping five ounces of tobacco in what will now be known as a “Mansfield Flight Delight,” tell your local dealer.

Not surprisingly, when you drop slightly less than a cup of drugs into a prison it causes a fight. Also, not surprisingly, that very likely outcome did not cross the nice Mansfield drone pilot’s mind. I’m guessing they’ve seen the shot-in-Mansfield movie, Shawshank Redemption, and thought maybe they too could get away with a great prison caper.

It was determined that the drone package was meant for a prisoner having recess in the north yard, but it got thrown over the fence into the south yard. I’m assuming, in a shocking twist, some prisoner used his critical thinking skills to realize he’d probably be in trouble if he were found with a miracle of drugs that just obviously dropped from the sky. This throwing action really peeved off some prisoners and caused a little tiff between nine of those who were interested in having some of those drugs, additionally requiring backup corrections officers to break it up.

Slightly over 200 inmates between the two yards endured the joy of being strip-searched, run through a cell sensor, and checked by the clinic for any trace of the bounty. Those involved in the fighting got to spend some nice quiet time in solitary.

Oh, haphazard-thinking drone pilot, thanks for bringing me back to my time in the great city of Mansfield. I feel as though part of me is still sitting in Relax, urging others to not order a Dirty Mahoney, and hearing of this news through a local who has apparently confused the coffee line for a place to loudly speak of current events; you’re such a homey city, like the city equivalent of a Great Aunt. (Insider tip: the Dirty Mahoney is whatever the interesting creature that is Mahoney feels like making you for $5.00; sometimes that is a glass of milk, watch your back.) Ah Mansfield, come for the crippling depression, and coffee, stay for the drug dropping drones.

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(Image thanks to the great Relax website)

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