Kevin Bacon Wants More Penises Onscreen

#FreeTheBacon. That’s what Kevin Bacon says. In an attempt to make his name go viral and promote his upcoming movies, Bacon declares a radical stance. More floppy wieners on Hollywood screens. Ugggh, gross, no. Bacon makes some suggestions that hopefully go nowhere.

Game of Thrones. You’ve got three sex scenes an episode. How hard would it be to just show one or two wieners every couple of minutes?

Let me be on the show. C’mon, I’ll play a naked wizard or something.


50 Shades of Grey. I heard they could never even see it. Why not let Jamie Dornan take off his pants? Or better yet, let me play Christian Grey. We’ll do the whole movie in one long close-up of my penis.

One take, 90 minutes, Kevin Bacon’s penis. This sounds like an art student’s project.

Bacon also has an amazing superhero idea.

Marvel. I have an idea for a superhero. It’s me and guess what? I have an Infinity Stone on the tip of my weiner.

Fascinating. All movies that most guys aren’t gonna wanna see.

Bacon definitely isn’t shy about on-camera nudity. His shower scene in Wild Things rivals Ben Affleck’s in Gone Girl.

For the love of god, please let #FreeTheBacon die a quick death.

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