ESC

Ladies Caught Storing a Little Heroin in Nature’s Pocket

The vagina, what is it if not nature’s pocket?

It all started with a stopped PT Cruiser, which can only mean trouble as it is the absolute most unattractive, vagina drying, Frankenstein car ever made. The stop was for an equipment violation. Little did the officer know there were some serious bodily equipment violations going on. The vagina really should come with an owners manual.

Apparently, the driver and his two lady passengers were a little more nervous than the average traffic violators which, yeah, they are of Mexican decent in Arizona, that situation has historically not leaned in their favor. The officer asked driver, Michael Torrez, 29, and his compadres, Miranda Baldonado and Sarah Valencia, both 19, if he could search the vehicle and they turned him down. No, that’s okay. We’re alright. Everything’s legal; don’t need ta check. See ya later, Officer! 

The officer took this opportunity to take her K9 deputy out for a walk and to everyone’s lack of surprise, the dog really wanted to get into the right side of the trunk. Inside, a pound of heroin wrapped in condoms was found. Although, it’s not said how, the deputy then found out that each woman had hidden a little to-go snack inside their wa-wa-ha. Gotta save some for later.

I’m really curious how he found this out. I’m sure it’s very procedural, but I imagine him explaining it by completely avoiding the question. “How did you find out they had stored heroin in their vaginas? Yes, I did learn they had stored heroin in their vaginas. You… you really didn’t answer the question.

Adding insult to injury, Baldonado was unable to fetch her stash and had to be given medical attention to remove the cache from her body.

Not shockingly, Torrez was on parole for drug trafficking charges out of New Mexico. Just, yes, obviously he was out on parole; he just graduated from drug dealer college, err I mean, finished his time in prison. This little snafu left him and his handy friends booked on drug-related charges and dumped into the Camp Verde Detention Center. Something I didn’t know could happen, the two ladies have additional charges of evidence tampering.

A lesson for next time, the vagina is not a secret place.

(H/T KPHO)

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