Pizza Rat Embodies the Can-Do American Spirit

In these turbulent times filled with terrorism, economic disparity and job worries, we need a leader to propel us through a murky future. Today, we have found that leader. I give you: Pizza Rat.

Pizza Rat’s a 6-inch furry rodent that drags a pizza slice down some New York City’s subway steps. The size of the pizza dwarfs Pizza Rat’s body. Look at Pizza Rat’s determination, its hustle. It doesn’t quit no matter the odds.

Judging by the popularity of the #PizzaRat hashtag, everyone’s been looking for a model of resilience. Or maybe they’re just bored on a Monday afternoon at work. Whatever. If a disease-filled subway rat can work hard and conquer its world, why can’t we, as humans, who don’t lick ourselves, do the same?

I intend to interview Pizza Rat and report the wise one’s philosophy back to us common folk. Once I get over my fear of rabies and little animals with tiny claws.

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