ESC

Portland’s Poo Poo Vandal

I lived in Portland, Oregon for three years, and I can assure you, it’s every bit as weird/silly/organic/smart/stupid/smelly/hilarious as Portlandia portrays it to be. I’ve since moved to Los Angeles, but about a month ago, in a recent moment of nostalgia for the city, I learned about the Portland Dildo Epidemic, where dildos started magically appearing on power lines throughout the city. Culprits were never found, and as you do in Portland, you laugh and move on. In more recent news, a man has taken to the streets of Portland, defecating like it’s his job.

The above photo was captured from a surveillance video outside of an office building that the defecating deviant just so happened to be “marking” at the time. His identity has not been released yet, but I am confident someone out there recognizes homeboy howdy-doodie from work, therapy or perhaps dumpster diving and is silently nodding while eating cereal and reading this, thinking, “Yep, that sounds about right.”

I would like to thank Portland’s ridiculously low crime rate for allowing news stations to headline stories like this, and I look forward to gems of the like for many more years to come. Keep Portland Weird.

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