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See This Guy’s 19-Inch Penis, It’s Mexico’s New National Landmark

In Mexico, some dude’s walking around with a foot and a half of chorizo between his legs. Roberto Esquivel Cabrera complains his oversized penis has ruined his life. No one’s ever said that before. Women don’t have intercourse with him (totally understandable, no woman wants their stomach pushed up and out their mouth). Cabrera calls his dick a disability and that it prevents him from working. As a result, he wants the Mexican government to declare him disabled. Disability dick if you will.

“I cannot do anything, I cannot work, and I am a disabled so I want authorities to declare me as a disabled person and give me support.”

Hmm…can’t work? That’s a little presumptuous, Mr. Cabrera. You can be a temporary speed bump deployed on Mexico’s busiest streets. Work at the Mexican zoo. You know those tourist pics where they put the drugged-out alligator on someone’s neck? Your dick is that alligator.

Vivid Entertainment (of course) stepped up to the plate and offered Cabrera a sex tape deal. Unfortunately, the deal hasn’t been consummated. It’s been delayed by a “language barrier, expectations of money and basic anatomy challenges.” Yea, that last one is gonna be hard to negotiate. Wait ’til you see Cabrera’s penis. You’ll definitely understand “basic anatomy challenges” then.

One doctor looked at an x-ray of his dick and after picking himself up off the floor, theorized it was just a lot of skin covering a 6″ incher. Kinda like that leftover skin those gastric bypass patients have. The skin that looks like Salvador Dali’s melting clocks painting oozing down someone’s stomach.

TMZ somehow procured a lens large enough to fit Cabrera’s dick. Get ready for some really fun penis party games (NSFW obviously). In the video, Cabrera weighs it, hits his own head with it and uhh, licks it.

I don’t know about this. It could be fake. It looks like a penis muppet. It’s covered in some sort of fabric and doesn’t look very lifelike. Plus there’s a huge black box covering what we assume to be testicles, but don’t know for sure. Not that I’d watch, but there needs to be video of this guy pissing or coming. A bodily function that proves this dick is real. Girls probably sit around waiting for this guy to come like they wait for the last squirt of ketchup to come out of the ketchup bottle.

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John Dugan
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John Dugan

Whatever size a guy has, it needs to be kept in proper
health. Using a top notch penis health crème (health professionals recommend
Man1 Man Oil) can help maintain health by delivering amino acids and vitamins
right to the rod.

Prince Phillip Anon Harris
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Prince Phillip Anon Harris

I’m just a 10*4 inches, and most women are not in a hurry to get stretched out. I can tell you, if she’s not a virgin, who doesn’t know any better, you’re lucky to get a suck.

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