ESC

QB Suspended When High School Football Gets Too Touchy

When I was in school you got suspended for smoking crack in the locker rooms and spraying your hands with Axe and lighting them on fire on school grounds. And usually not even. Apparently the golden age of kids acting out is dead, and now you get suspended for absolutely nothing. West Salem High School freshman quarterback Garrett Moore was recently suspended from school for three days. In a country where young football players can usually rape and pillage as they please without consequence, this is indeed a shocking twist. You’d think he probably killed somebody or lit a bus full of elementary school kids on fire, right?

Apparently not. This kid has come under fire for “tickling”?

Tickling?  

School officials said he “inappropriately touched” another player during football practice.

Moore said a coach told him to take a snap under center. This maneuver involves the quarterback having the ball handed to him from the center. Centers snap the ball from the ground between their legs (football sounds kinda gay) for the quarterback to grab. To take the ball (take it, yeah), quarterbacks must place their hands between the center’s legs and up against the crotch. Moore said the center had him take the snap farther forward in his stance than he had with the other centers he played with:

“He wanted me to go way up there and it felt very uncomfortable. I was, like, moving my hands and I touched him and he started laughing. I guess I tickled him. I wouldn’t mean to. That’s kind of weird.”

It looks to me like this kid has been suspended for three days by a bunch of grown people pulling a fast No Homo. Incredible. Way to protect that masculinity, West Salem High School. That’s what’s really important.

(Image: Flickr)

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