Who Wants To Get A Loft On Mars With Me?

NASA’s new 36-page report unveils a detailed plan for an Earth-independent Mars. This means once they boot you off this godforsaken rock chillin’ in the void to that slightly redder godforsaken rock chillin’ in the void, there’s no takebacksies. You’re stuck.

Neat, huh?

They want to start sending people over the next ten years, and this process involves three steps. The first of these is “Earth Reliant” exploration. This is focused on International Space Station (ISS) research, where they test technologies such as 3D-printers and life support systems which can be used in the Mars missions of the future.

After this, NASA will move into the “Proving Ground” phase. This involves testing various components beyond low-Earth orbit. A huge Space Launch System (SLS) rocket, which is capable of taking humans to Mars, is already being built. If this already isn’t the dopest news you have ever heard in your entire life, NASA is planning on capturing a goddamn asteroid and having scientists visit it.

NASA goes hard.  

The final step is the Earth-independent Mars, which probably involves a Starbucks (will they have to call it Marsbucks to be planetarily correct?), and NASA hopes to get on that in the 2030’s.

That’s like 15 years from now. How insane is this?

Of course, this lofty goal being reached depends on funding. Knowing the United States’s hatred of ‘them nerds and all that there book learnin’ mumbo jumbo’ and our love of blowing money on perpetual warfare, who knows if we’ll ever really get to answer David Bowie’s question about there being Martian life with a resounding double shot red dust macchiato at the Marsbucks.

I, for one, will be really pissed off if the military industrial complex gets in the way of my fancy space coffee. You do you, NASA.

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