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‘Cheers to My Hymen Growing Back’ — Jennifer Lawrence on Her Love Life

Ouch J-Law. Ouch.

It seems almost absurd that one of the most commercially successful and conventionally attractive women in the world would have it this hard when it comes to dating, like a weird fable with a bullshit life lesson at the end or something, but this Hollywood superstar is not having a good time. She recently told Vogue,

“No one ever asks me out. I am lonely every Saturday night. Guys are so mean to me.”

Do you think maybe that whole ‘peeing in sinks‘ thing put them off?

“I know where it’s coming from, I know they’re trying to establish dominance, but it hurts my feelings. I’m just a girl who wants you to be nice to me. I am straight as an arrow.”

Somebody be nice to this poor girl. Jesus. I’m not a huge fan of Jennifer Lawrence, but she definitely deserves better than some weird Christian Grey wannabes on a power kick who think being a dick is cool.

“I feel like I need to meet a guy, with all due respect, who has been living in Baghdad for five years who has no idea who I am.”

While media saturation has made her the highest paid actress in Hollywood, it’s also apparently made dating almost impossible. While giving her interviewer the grand tour of her brand new house, a faux-Tuscan villa in Beverly Hills, Lawrence sardonically pointed to her bed with a glass of wine in hand, pointed out that no magic has happened there, and gave a very dry toast to her even drier spell.

“Cheers to my hymen growing back!”

Hey Jen, could I perhaps suggest Natalie Dormer? She is pure husband material, and you and her seem to get along ok.

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