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‘Fast and Furious’ Coming Soon, Again

If you thought that the real life James Dean-style death of Paul Walker was going to be the end of the 14-year long tirade of the Fast & Furious franchise… then you’ve probably only be alive for about a day or frozen in time and just woke up. If that’s the case, welcome! We have CGI now—nothing is real and nothing can die.

Much like the entire Marvel universe or the never-ending episodes of Star Wars, Fast and the Furious is in the process of expanding its empire with talks of prequels, more sequels, and spinoffs. Not one thing in this universe can be faster and more furious than this team.

Much like how each Avenger has his own film (damn shame, when does the badass Black Widow become badass enough to receive her own flick?), individual characters of the franchise will be given their own origin story. Vin Diesel has shared with Variety:

We’ve written out story lines for various characters…we’ve been playing with it for a long time. It’s a very rich property and we’re committed to treating it with a lot of class.

Thank goodness he is committed to class because my grandmother’s pearls are aching in a heap on my bureau, begging to be put on with my ruby red taffeta prom dress and a game of Edward Fortyhands. My WWE VHS recordings of the Rock have gotten spun out of control—the DVDs got scratched—and I really need new material. My desperate pleas have been answered, as it seems through various hints that “Diplomatic Security Service agent Luke Hobbs” will get his own film.

If you’re worried that it can’t possibly get any better than it already has, fear no more. The stunts are going to be big. The explosions are going to be huge. And according to Jeff Shell, Charman of Universal Film Entertainment Group, there is even going to be a story.

The bounds of the franchise are endless. It has driven its super fast cars across oceans and entire continents to reach new audiences. Fast and Furious cannot and will not be stopped. Fourteen years after its debut, Shell says the franchise is only gaining more momentum:

It’s new in China to them, it’s new in Russia to them, it’s new in most of Latin America, so this is a series that’s accelerating in my view, not slowing down.

Universal Studios, also responsible for the Marvel and Star Wars films, because they control the universe, have expressed interest in continuing the series backwards and forwards, upwards and outwards, filling every void in the universe with faster and furiouser content. Ever laid in bed for an entire weekend, on the 3rd round of Gilmore Girls reruns, and masturbated to the point of shame? Fast & Furious has not.

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