ESC

Teacher Accused of Returning Stolen Shoes After Ejaculating Into Them

Umm, where to start. In Virginia, Kenneth Johnson III turned himself into police after being investigated for cumming into women’s shoes. There, I said it. Let’s not beat around the bush.

Johnson was suspected of stealing women’s shoes, then returning them with “biological evidence” inside. Police did not say specifically what bodily fluids were left inside, though they did say it was “not fecal in nature.” And the assumption is, it wasn’t spit or piss. Sooo, ejaculate.

One victim told CBS 6 reporter Melissa Hipolit she actually confronted the shoe stealer when she drove up to her home to find him walking away with her running shoes.

She asked him what he was doing, and he told her he loved the smell of her shoes before sniffing them in front of her.

That’s bold behavior, dude. Stealing someone’s shoes AND sniffing them in front of the victim? I can just imagine this guy. “Yea lady, I stole your shoes. What’re you gonna do about it???” *takes a long whiff of victim’s stolen shoe in front of her* “Wassup now???”

In an email sent to the area’s neighborhood watch group, another victim said she found a note in her shoe.

The note stated the suspect was “a married man and his wife’s shoes did not have a smell and he liked performing perverted activity in the shoes and then returning them.”

This guy straight up taunted his victims. This is some Zodiac killer shit, just DARING the police to capture him.

To be fair, we’re assuming it’s the suspect’s ejaculate inside of these shoes. Maybe he was putting someone else’s ejaculate into those shoes. That’d be going levels deep. Maybe he stole someone’s sperm and put them in the victim’s shoes. Sort of like a new spin on matchmaking. But way weirder.

Johnson taught math at Varina High School in Henrico County. He’s been put on administrative leave. Gee, ya think?

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