Who You Calling Baby: Miley’s ‘BB Talk’ Says What You’ve Always Needed to Say

At this point, most people have already made the decision to like Miley Cyrus or completely ignore her. There is no in-between.

She’s loud. She’s uncensored. She’s utterly ridiculous. She rejects all Instagram etiquette with her 30+ photo dumps at a time. Point being, when Hannah Montana died (if you need a murderer, prime suspect: Liam Hemsworth), Miley ceased to give a f**k and she doesn’t need an ounce of your approval.

Her newest video shouldn’t surprise you.

In her most recent and arguably most relatable stunt yet, Miley relived every last-minute Halloween costume in head-to-toe baby garb. If the baby regalia isn’t enough for you to tilt your head sideways, in “BB Talk”, the babe talks about every feeling I’ve ever recalled to a friend following too many dates with a guy who “could be sweet.”

All choreography is standard Miley performance. With cameras angled directly at her crotch, high cut body suits and humping of stage props… she’s just doing her. I clap to that.

But it’s her voiceovers that really hit home.

I pick up the phone to call my friend after one night too many with the aforementioned sweet guy and just like Miley, I preface with:

Alright, so this is really fucked up, but
Alright, I was sleeping next to him but I was dreaming about the other dude
And then all of a sudden, everything that he fucking did just made me cringe.

But baby you look so beautiful with your smudged eyeliner, hair styled by the winds of Chicago and oh, that morning breath….. I just wanna kiss you. (Maybe after I vomit.)

Again, Miley gets it. She’s in my head. We must salvage this horrible situation somehow, right? You have to stop talking somehow right?

F**k me so you stop baby talking

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. You came, right?

Alright so, I’m gonna be honest
It’s the super cutey s**t, that’s the main issue here
I mean, I’m fucking what?
Look, I like when you send me, you know, the, the queen emoji, but when I send back the monkey, you know,
the ones with the, the hands over the eyes, that means that s**t’s just getting a little too weird for me.

Miley just gave credence to all of my complaints about those guys with a music video. She’s helping me make fun of those guys. The Lolita-esque styling only enhances the overall effect. Come on, let’s group cringe.

Hey and side note, if you’re one of those guys, I’m sure someone is looking for lazy compliments only meant for romantic comedies…. it’s just definitely not me or Miley (Some might suggest you dodged a bullet.)

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