ESC

Thou Who Shalt Complain Shalt Receive A 10-Inch Dildo in His Shopping Basket

Amazon seems like the end all be all to all shopping needs, especially if one takes the plunge and opts for Amazon Prime with free two day shipping and unlimited streaming for when all of the Netflix queue has been binged in a single self-indulgent weekend.

But sometimes Amazon fucks us. Sometimes, they don’t give accurate delivery dates. Sometimes, they sign you up for Prime without your consent. Sometimes, they give us all of the tools to fuck ourselves in lieu of an apology.

The most latter is the case for “Pedro” a college student whose professor was out to ruin his life with the very specific demands of one very specific version of one very specific textbook. With frustration brewing his head and heart, Pedro did what anyone might do:

Pedro, who by this point had spent a long time looking for the correct version of the book and then more time waiting while Amazon looked for the book in its warehouse, wasn’t very happy with the overall shopping experience. Pedro made his displeasure known by providing negative feedback on a customer satisfaction survey, and he figured that was the end of it.

He figured he showed them. But when he went to open his Amazon cart moments later with nosy co-workers behind him, he found “The Hulk 10.25-inch Huge Dong Black” in a feminine pink. With his ego bruised due to his affliction of male masculinity, he continued to correspond with Amazon, fully suspecting that a customer service representative had placed it in his cart out of spite.

Now, I haven’t read the initial complaint and I don’t know what his first reaction may have been, but if he is anything like the later tone of his South Park-esque Yelp reviewer comments… he’s a passive aggressive motherfucker and deserved every inch of that passive 10-inch pink cock delivered upon him.

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