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Mariah Carey Found Someone Who’d Marry Her

Mariah Carey is engaged for the third time. Months after splitting from Nick Cannon, the father of her two children, she said yes to billionaire James Packer. Packer did the usual down on one knee thing and Carey did the usual high pitched squeal thing which in her case was a crackling sound over a high pitched squeal backing track.

Packer is Australia’s 4th richest man as the result of family money, real estate, casinos and entertainment. Suffice to say, Mariah probably doesn’t need to lumber around on stage at Caesar’s Palace anymore if she doesn’t want to. So, please, god. Stop.

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LIttle known fact: Mariah Carey employs several male midgets to wash her, service her sour twat, and wipe her ass. It started with just wiping her ass, but she realized she loved having more people around she could look down on. Myself, I love some midget porn.

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