The Five Best Mug Shots of 2015, as Decided by Me

These people committed crimes of taste, crimes of irony, crimes of well…I guess actual crimes. I’d like to thank the universe for creating each and every one of these beautiful specimens of humanity.

5. The Novelty Tee Bandit

Accused burglar David Durham keeps it real in this novelty tee that he probably ripped of a 16-year-old boy in the midst of his run of spring car burglaries in Naples, FL. Work it, girl.

4. The Guy Who Was Trippin’ Balls

Greensburg, PA resident David Kalb got thrown in the slammer after troopers discovered 70 psychedelic mushroom plants in his apartment. They might have managed to arrest this guy physically, but spiritually? No dice. Wavey Davey is flyin’, man.

3. The Guy Who Took Burger King’s Motto A Little Too Seriously

Jefferson King got arrested for trying to have it his way at a West Palm Beach Burger King in Florida. By that I mean he was jerking it. He looks like he still might be pounding off in his mugshot. What a fun loving free spirit.

2. Elizabeth Hogrefe M.D.

This Nebraskan criminal genius tried to cure her boyfriend’s snoring by wailing on his back with a crowbar. #Classic Nebraska. Wasn’t this an episode of House?

1. Kat Von Don’t

Tulsa, Oklahoma police picked up Paul Terry last month based on a robbery charge, and due to his incredibly artistic facial tattoos, probably found him in about 15 seconds. While that’s some gnarly ink, the real tragedy in all this is that this busted ass man is only 26. Somebody could have used a little less meth and lot more Oil of Olay. Goddamn. On the upside: that eyebrow game strong.

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