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Tori Spelling Is the Newest Celebrity Face of ‘Psychic Source’–That’s How Broke She Is

When was the last time you heard anything about Tori Spelling? Once famous for who knows god what, the has-been actress is now broke enough to surrender what little she has left of her to dignity to the kind of ad you see when you wake up at 5AM from your unexpected stoned nap on the couch. I know all about loss of dignity. As long as we live in a capitalist marketplace and I keep telling myself that I’m going to be a writer, I will do anything for money.

But Tori Spelling stoops to new lows that even I struggle to reconcile as the new celebrity face for Psychic Source, a $1/minute psychic hotline that even the most desperate of humans might consider turning down. The kind of company that puts almost no effort into their advertising or in cloaking their obvious scamming is just the kind of thing this world needs. And with Tori Spelling as their new face, it might as well be the final nail in their coffin of invisibility.

While Psychic Source opts for phone readings instead of in-person interviews, they spare no effort to make sure you get to know your psychic through the posting of bullshit video introductions from their psychics.

First let’s meet, Carmaleena, the kind of woman who looks like she should be standing on your college campus, spewing hate and damming us all to hell. She also looks like my weird great aunt who used to hang origami tin foil creations around her house to ‘let god in’:

She says:

I really connect with emotional damage.

Omg, me too! But I just sleep with fuckboys. I don’t capitalize on people’s quests for hope by giving them the generic advice of a television evangelist.

Then we have Robert Gene. Is that his first and last name? Is he the guy with two first names? This guy, now he prompts some intrigue. Firstly, where did he get his weave? Second of all, I wasn’t aware that hair actually came in that color.

Then there’s the delightful Puju. He might be the lost twin brother of actor, William Daniels, but he’s definitely the guy who purchases his entire wardrobe from the booths of music festivals.

People, this quack pot bullshit costs one entire dollar a minute. If you’re desperate enough to call a hotline psychic, you’re desperate enough to get in your car and placate yourself with a dollar menu burger. Put that dollar to better use. Eat your pain. Do whatever you have to do, but $1/a minute is enough to send you into the same excessive billing of a text message before the year 2008. If you’re still dumb enough to think about picking up your phone, think about the kind of debt and desperation it took for Tori Spelling to accept this job opportunity. Via ET:

And the new job couldn’t come at a better time for Spelling. Last month, she was sued by American Express for payment on her balance. According to legal documents obtained by ET, Spelling had a balance of $37,981.97 on her American Express card, and hadn’t made a payment since June 26, 2015. The payment in question — for $1,070 — was also returned.

I guess husband Dean McDermott isn’t raking in the big bucks with that Chopped: Canada gig. Poor Tori Spelling. If only more than one person had enjoyed So Notorious.

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You are just full of judgment! Don’t knock it till you try it!

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