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Tori Spelling Reveals Her Alter Ego Who Likes to Pee on Things

Tori Spelling has made something vaguely resembling a career out of being so bad at everything that people actually pay her to see more. She’s been out of the spotlight for quite some time now, a hiatus that I think we all hoped would become permanent. But, a recent lawsuit shows Spelling to be upwards of $37,000 in debt–girl’s gotta work, if girl’s gonna eat.

In what I can only believe to be an effort to warm up to the spotlight again, Tori Spelling appeared on Wednesday night’s episode of Khloé Kardashian’s new talkshow, Kocktails With Khloé, to unleash some disgusting information out into the world. If there’s a single person living in 2016 who still looks up to Tori Spelling, please don’t do this. Playing a round of truth or dare, Spelling was asked where the strangest place she’s ever peed. Taking a page from that of your least favorite sloppy drunk, Spelling shares:

Ok I have Terri. When Terri comes to visit she is cray cray and one of her things is she likes to pee and she pees like anywhere. Like she will piss under the table, everyone raise your legs, she will pee in a potted plant yeah.

Some people think having a drunk alter ego absolves them of their drunken crimes against humanity. It doesn’t. Elaborating with some weird form of pride:

 I would literally if we were having the most amazing conversation, I would literally drink this glass and rather sit here and piss in it so we could continue our conversation than get up and leave you.

Sounds amazing. I’m no stranger to holding a friend’s hand while they pee or walking with them to the bathroom, too deep in conversation to stop, but please don’t pee in my nice stemware, Tor.

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That’s kinda hot, in the untrained house pet sorta way. But from something that looks like a cross between a Muppet and a clown, why be shocked. I’d watch Muppet porn with her in it; watching her flap her big felt mouth on porn cock.

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