ESC

Your Childhood Jerk Off Magazine Will Soon Be No More

A little bit of 14-year-old me died today when Victoria’s Secret announced they’d stop mailing out the Victoria’s Secret Catalog. The yearly spank bank will cease to exist as Victoria’s Secret focuses more on “evolving how the business connects with customers through more focus on loyalty programs and brand-building engagement rather than traditional catalogues and offers.” And let’s face it. The ubiquity of porn has made this catalog irrelevant to pre-pubescent teens.

VS will lay off 200 people as it shifts to focus on lingerie, cosmetics and the Pink brand. Ergo, they will cease production of their swimwear and clothing that aren’t part of the Pink brand.

The shift is a result of those damn Millennials you keep hearing about who’ve all but abandoned retailers with excessive branding (which Pink has a lot of). Also cited as issues with Millennials are the unrealistic body images set forth by these companies and the fact that they want companies to stand for something. Think less status and more standing for social causes. If a $40 shirt they buy isn’t giving 5 cents to some starving kid in Africa, they’re not having it.

But nevermind all that. Let’s get to the important issue at hand. Like, what about the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show where we get to see hot models walk around on stage in their underwear? Is that going away? Can someone tell me? Why isn’t anyone answering my emails?!

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