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Peeing Yourself Is Only the Beginning of the Sacrifices You’ll Make for Your Child

It amazes me how many people think they’re ready to have children, but don’t know a damn thing about childbirth. I mean, we don’t all grow up with mothers who have breastfeeding promotional stickers on the back of their cars. We don’t all have midwives for aunts. But we do all know people who have given birth… we all come from people who have given birth. But nevertheless, because the human race was not a species built to last, we don’t know shit about shit.

But… new mommy and candid tweeter, Chrissy Teigen, is here to enlighten us. Did you know allowing your vagina to expand to 10cm dilation and forcing a 19-inch, 7 pound baby out of it will result in you unable to live life without peeing yourself for a few days? Chrissy Teigen knows.

But would you rather be filleted on a table to meet your spawn Aliens style? Pick your poison, breeders.

P.S. Doesn’t every baby come with a copy of What To Expect When You’re Expecting? 

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