Ted Cruz Has An Alleged Hooker Habit, But Would He Murder To Protect It?

Remember that time allegations of Ted Cruz having extramarital affairs with multiple women came to the surface and we all went no way…but if this keeps the presidency out of his hands, we’ll just go with it. For those of you whom have yet to notice, Ted Cruz is just as frightening a possibility for this country as Donald Trump, if not more frightening. But there must be a god somewhere and that god must hate these two because they seem to have done everything in their power to ruin themselves.

One of the five unnamed mistresses has been described as:

a “$1,000-a-night” D.C. call girl.

Seems pretty generic of an allegation, but it takes on a bit more water when former D.C. madam Deborah Palfrey was found dead. Palfrey was strangled in the shed of her mother’s home in Florida. Also found was her elusive and comprehensive black book of clients. Montgomery Blair Sibley, Palfrey’s lawyer, has been pushing to have the contents of the black book published and has appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court. Palfrey asked:

for permission to publish her unconventional “black book,” which consists of some 15,000 pages of phone records and calls to clients, as well as their calls requesting the $300-an-hour services from her gaggle of beautiful hookers!

Call that organization or insurance, whatever you want… but that black book has got to have some juice. Sibley urges for timely release of the documents, claiming that the book may boast impact for the people voting in upcoming primary and general elections. Sibley sat down with The Enquirer and suggested:

Going on what I know about the other male candidates still in the race, it isn’t any of them, and Palfrey didn’t provide call boys, so it wasn’t Hillary.

Ok… now I’m a little offended. Have we deemed Bernie so old he’s not even worthy of an erection in the presence of a luxury call girl? Or is that too white-collar for our everyman? None of this seems out of bounds for the Donald either… and whoever said Hillary wasn’t a lesbian? Before the book was sealed, Sibley was able to obtain some copies and hand them off to a Washington investigative reporter by the name of Dan Moldea. Moldea said upon review:

I’ve thrown (the list of) names in the shredder but I would remember if Bernie Sanders or Trump or John Kasich were in the list. The only name I would not have recognized at the time was Cruz.

If anyone is thinking this isn’t serious, it’s just more posturing on behalf of political power hungry megalomaniacs, Sibley, who had been a very close confidante of Palfrey during her life, has threatened to release the book with or without the consent of the higher court:

The footnote to the pleading I filed … says this: If I do not get the right to file my request to modify the restraining order and if I do not get an expedited hearing, I’m going to publicly release those records and see what happens. The essence of what we are talking about is people have something to hide and a judiciary that is actively working to maintain the current state of affairs through outright criminal methods.

Palfrey, who died in 2008, was found covered in bruises, but the medical examiner ruled the death a suicide. Sibley is suspicious of the time and circumstances of death and wholly suspects foul play in the death of his friend and client. Cruz might worry less about career suicide and more about how he’s going to survive a murder investigation.

Finally… an election living up to the novelty of the movies.