Trump Sued for the Rape of a 13-Year-Old Girl Because Why Wouldn’t He Be?

We all have our fears. Mine happens to be my attraction. I love mega-wealthy men of power in an ideological sense. I don’t want to have to work for my meals and I like the idea of a man being able to buy the entire pre-fall line of Givenchy backpacks for me. But I’m also concretely terrified of them. These are men of power and influence. These are the men that are inflated to levels of deities and given the means to get out of any sticky situation. These are the men like my father and uncles who could make anyone disappear as needed, but in the same vein could make me disappear in a cloud of slander. So there you have it… we all know how I’m going to die.

Presidential hopeful and terrifying human being Donald Trump has been party to an unprecedented 3,500 lawsuits. He wears his lawsuits like a badge of honor and I hope he’s happy about this one too. Yeah, another lawsuit. Except this one seems more nefarious than his prior dealings. But still isn’t surprising. The Real Deal has the real details:

The woman, who alleges the rape occurred in 1994, filed a civil complaint in New York Federal Court on Monday against the presumptive Republican nominee and [Jeffrey] Epstein, a notorious ex-hedge funder previously convicted in a prostitution scandal involving minors.

I mean, what wouldn’t Trump do? Here’s a man who was brought up under a slumlord and told the universe was his for the taking. The evidence is in the bank accounts. Here you have the Trump family who are one of America’s oligarchical families by sheer name recognition. They’re not even that good at making money! They just exist on their own arrogance and vague semblance of business savvy. Okay, so if any of this sounds a little out of left field, Trump was sued for a similar rape case in California just this past April:

On April 26, a woman identified as “Katie Johnson” filed a similar rape complaint against Trump and Epstein in a California court. That case was dismissed in May because Johnson did not file the proper paperwork. The address she listed in California papers was found to be an abandoned property.

Ahhhhh, nothing good really ever happens, does it? But back to the details of this New York suit:

[The] plaintiff is revealed to be the same plaintiff as in the California suit. Details in the New York complaint differ slightly, however, including a claim that Trump’s comments to the media after Johnson filed the California suit amounted to defamation. The new complaint also alleges that Trump knew the plaintiff was 13 years old at the time of the alleged assault, something that does not appear in the California filing.

It gets juicier and juicier. It seems so ludicrous that the only possible rationalization is that it must be scripted. If I were writing this as a work of fiction, I would write the plaintiff as someone with ulterior motives, but doing so would undermine that Trump is a goddamn scumbag. In a civil suit, the burden of proof is a preponderance of evidence which just means there has to be a 51% chance that he had to have done it. I’m pretty confident in those odds.

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Buck Swopes Stereo Store

“I don’t want to have to work for my meals and I like the idea of a man being able to buy the entire pre-fall line of Givenchy backpacks for me.”

Where did your upbringing go wrong?