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Amy Schumer’s First Time Was Forgettable

Hey, so probably no one is down to hear about Amy Schumer’s first time having sex because everyone is having too much fun watching Taylor Swift drown in PR quicksand. Which must suck for Schumer and Marie Claire because, dammit, they had this pull quote of Schumer losing her virginity ready for weeks now. Thanks a lot, Taylor.

“My first sexual experience was not a good one. I didn’t think about it until I started reading my journal again. When it happened, I wrote about it almost like a throwaway. It was like, And then I looked down and realized he was inside of me. He was saying, ‘I’m so sorry’ and ‘I can’t believe I did this.'”

Oh, were you expecting me to draw a parallel between Schumer’s first time and my 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th and 6th times? Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I’m a sexual tiger. Rawr.

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