ESC

Cockroach Milk Is the Next Superfood, Because Fuck Hipsters

Detox this, asshole.

Whether you want to detox, cleanse, purify, reboot, or do any other dumb trendy buzzword to yourself that ultimately does nothing, there’s some shit somebody will sell to you that will claim to do it. If you want to be ahead of the trends and be cooler than your friends, look out for that cockroach tiddy.

According to Uproxx:

Some roach research has revealed that the “milk” a cockroach feeds its offspring contains highly nutritious protein crystals. And not just any old roach. The highly disgusting, Diploptera punctata, a.k.a. Pacific Beetle Cockroach — which is the only known viviparous cockroach. Meaning that like humans, the Pacific Beetle Cockroach gives birth to live babies rather than hatching eggs. In other words, it’s basically a mammal.

Man, I don’t want any weird mammal cockroach tiddy milk. Why do scientists say we should have it though? Apparently, this shit it so much better for you than cow milk that it’s ridiculous. It has all of the essential amino acids, three times the amount of energy found in dairy milk, and all kinds of lipids and sugars.

How would they get enough of this bizarre health holy grail bug milk to sustain the Whole Foods crowd, though? Well, According to Professor John Carver, Director of the Research School of Chemistry at Australian National University, in the most weird sci fi way possible.

“They wouldn’t go and kill lots of cockroaches for it. They would isolate the gene for this protein from the cockroach and then express it and grow it up in a yeast system in very large microbiological vats and produce large quantities.”

No thank you, science. No thank you.

[Image: Flickr/Steve Smith]

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*puts down flat white suspiciously* Coachroach tiddies… *gags*

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