Lindsay Lohan’s Life Is Not as Perfect Perfect as It’s Been Made to Seem

If you’re a functioning human being, you watched Lindsay Lohan’s happiness unfold this weekend. If you’re an ounce of a human being, you care about Lindsay and what she’s going through. She’s been through hell and back. Here we were naïve enough to believe she could have lived happily ever after with just any Russian billionaire.


Lindsay went on a little social media bender after she found out her fiancé Egor Tarabasov had been out with a Russian hooker all night and had decided not to return to the home they shared.

This all comes just days after posting this little number.

They seemed happy. They seemed healthy. My… could we not have been more mistaken. We should have been there for you, Lindsay.

Caught on candid camera, we have Lindsay and Egor arguing very loudly on the balcony of their Knightsbridge apartment. The Sun was the first to report on the events leading up to Lindsay’s enviable Internet pettiness. She’s quoted as screaming:

He just strangled me. He almost killed me.

Obviously trying to get the attention of neighborhood folk, she shouted:

Please please please. He just strangled me. He almost killed me. Everybody will know. Get out of my house.

If you listen to the video (because let’s be real, watching doesn’t do much for you), you can clearly hear the desperate guttural nature of her voice:

Do it. I dare you again. You’re f*****g crazy. You sick f**k. You need help. It’s my house get out of my house. I’m done. I don’t love you anymore. You tried to kill me. You’re a f*****g psycho. We are finished.

The cops were called. One thing led to another and the cops broke down the door of LiLo’s $3.5 million pad only to find both occupants missing. After confirming the safety of both Ms. Lohan and Mr. Tarabasov, not one charge was pressed.

This all occurred at 5AM on Saturday. So I’m confused. She blows up like that following some seriously strange events and then awaits his return home? She broke up with him. She said cya like she damn well should have. She probably made her first proper decision that night.

But poor Lindsay. She wanted to return to her old ways. Good decisions are tough. I don’t wanna make them either. Maybe marrying a billionaire is worth it.

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