ESC

Melania Trump Plagiarized Her Entire Speech Last Night, But If You Ask Her Husband… It Never Even Happened

After the Republican National Convetion began streaming last night, do any of still think that the universe is a real thing? If you’re somehow naïve enough to believe that anything real has ever happened ever than boy do I have news for you! We live in a cartoon world. As kids, we thought we’d get to a point where some part of the world made sense and we’d be able to stop bullshitting our way along. As adults, we know this was a fucking farce meant to keep us living long enough to produce children for the sake of the human race. But some of us still have enough hope to believe that presidential candidates dream of a better world.

Dead are those dreams. Yesterday before the convention even got under way, the Donald and puppet wife Melania Trump sat down with Matt Lauer to tease her speech later in the evening. It’s going to be huge. It’s going to be really really excellent. We’re going to take back the Republican National Convention and my “wife” is going to be really really beautiful. The people, they won’t know what hit them. 

And it was. Every promise was delivered until it got to Melania actually speaking. Word for word, and plagiarized with less effort than a drunk college freshman with 20 minutes to deadline, we have Melania Trump using the same spiel as Michelle Obama, sworn enemy of the Trump administration.

I could say some words about this, but instead I’m going to show you the verbatim theft of Michelle Obama’s 2008 DNC speech compared to Melania 2016 RNC speech:

Obama: …like: you work hard for what you want in life…

Trump: …that you work hard for what you want in life.

Obama: …that your word is your bond, that you do what you say you’re gonna do…

Trump: …that your word is your bond, and you do what you say…

Obama: …that you treat people with dignity and respect…

Trump: …that you treat people with respect…

Obama: …because we want our children and all children in this nation to know…

Trump: …because we want our children in this nation to know…

Obama: …and your willingness to work hard for them.

Trump: …and your willingness to work for them.

Sometimes they were a little bit more slick. They tried a little harder. But not, really.

Obama: …the only limits on the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams…

Trump: …that the only limit to your achievements is the strength of your dreams…

Obama: Barack and I were raised with so many of the same values…

Trump: My parents impressed on me the values…

Obama: …that your word is your bond, that you do what you say you’re gonna do…

Trump: …that your word is your bond, and you do what you say…

I guess financing your own campaign has its own caveats. You gotta skimp here and there. You can’t hire proper professional speechwriters. People don’t listen to what you say anyway. You just gotta use the right inflection and at least in Melania’s case, look good while you do it. There’s a formula and I’m terrified.

But if there weren’t bad enough in typical Trump fashion, he’s ignoring that the mishap ever happened. According to him, she wrote the speech herself, everything is great and he’s still going to win the presidency.

The only goal of this candidacy is to keep us talking about him. He’s the Taylor Swift of the presidential race. He needs press. And he needs it always.

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