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Who Is Most Likely to Win ‘Dancing With the Stars’ Season 23, According to Reasons I Just Made Up

The cast of Dancing with the Stars Season 23 has been revealed. Here are the celebs I think are the most likely to win for arbitrary reasons.

1. Ryan Lochte

Why do I think he’s gonna win? Well, for one, he’s one of the best athletes on earth. Half of dancing is strength and stamina, which this boy has got. On top of being in as peak physical condition as you can be before the government cuts you open and experiments on you, he also really wants us all to forget that he’s a literal cry wolf piss baby.

2. Amber Rose

If you can survive dating Kanye West, you can win anything you want. She started out stripping at the age of 15 to survive. Like she gives a shit about your reality TV contest bullshit. Nothing can fuck with Amber Rose at this point probably, let alone a bunch of stiff, confused white people.

3. Vanilla Ice

He can wax a chump like a candle. What more can I say?

4. Rick Perry

Remember when 47 goddamn people were running to be the Republican presidential candidate and they all lost to Trump? Rick Perry was one of those people, and he is probably trying to Trump his way into the White House with some reality TV time, since it worked so well for our first potential shrimp-fingered rapist president.

5. Laurie Hernandez

She’s a fucking Olympic gymnast. None of these other clowns have a chance in hell.

NEXT. 

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