Pokemon Go Is Not An Olympic Sport Because It’s Too Expensive

The 2016 Summer Olympic Games in Rio are a s**t show for everyone. Not only do Olympians have to fear the Zika virus and death-by-diarrhea, but they have to fear the hemorrhaging of funds via data roaming charges.

One Japanese artistic gymnast has found himself in the predicament that will now be the summation of all human behavior in the year 2016. Hit with 5-grand in data roaming charges for playing Pokemon Go abroad, I worry that Kohei Uchimura¬†won’t be able to compete with such heavy stressors. Teammate Kenzo Shirai was with Uchimura around the time he received his bill and describes the gymnast as having gone catatonic. And why wouldn’t he?

But have no fear! Athletes are of utmost importance! The gymnast called his cell phone carrier, cried his most athletic tears and got off with only paying 30 dollars a day for his data usage while in Rio. So now he may return to diarrhea and bacterial infection related fear.

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